Yet
Saturday, November 13, 2010 7:48 PM
Be a hundred percent when I'm with you and then
A perfect heart's length away
And I knew the odds were I'd never win
Yet here I am
There may well be others but I still like to pretend
You've got a schedule to stick to
Got a world to keep sweet
You're so much to everyone all the time
Will you ever slow down?
You know you'll never be lonely, no you'll always be loved
And maybe you never need more than that
But for the surplus that loves, what's to become of us?
Does it even register on your conscience?
Long for one last showdown from a box in a crowd
Air compressed tight to explode
I'm clenching my ticket to the only way out
As you disappear in a puff of smoke
Didn't get anywhere
7:21 PM
Now as the summer fades, I let you slip away
People find all sorts of things
That bring them to their knees
When there's all kinds of chaos
And everyone is walking lame
You don't even blink now, do you
Or even look away
Once I knew there was a love divine
Then came a time I thought it knew me not
I can't wait any longer
The Hamburg Song
Wednesday, November 3, 2010 10:54 AM
I don't wanna be adored
Don't wanna be first in line
Or make myself heard
I'd like to bring a little light
To shine a light on your life
To make you feel loved
No, don't wanna be the only one you know
I wanna be the place you call home
I lay myself down
To make it so, but you don't want to know
I give much more
Than I'd ever ask for
Will you see me in the end
Or is it just a waste of time
Trying to be your friend
To shine, shine, shine
Shine a little light
Shine a light on my life
And warm me up again
Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all
You know that it could be so simple
I lay myself down
To make it so, but you don't want to know
You take much more
Than I'd ever ask for
Say a word or two to brighten my day
Do you think that you could see your way
To lay yourself down
And make it so, but you don't want to know
You take much more
Than I'd ever ask for
By Design
Monday, November 1, 2010 4:31 PM
We dance around pleasantries
Skip the formalities
Share fleeting moments of chemistry
And you don't know it yet
But quietly I hope you see.
So far away in the day
But when you're near I fear.
Irreversible
Sunday, October 31, 2010 3:04 PM
It started out so warm, the fire crackling gently as it nested on the firewood, burning slowly. The fire wasn't fierce or mild. It was contained almost willingly by its fireplace, a familiar setting and a comfortable home. I slid the sliding doors wide open and took in the cold air. It made my nostrils tingle and excitement blossom, and I smiled at the blankets of white snow. The air was still. This was what I had been hoping for - no sign of wind or heavy snow, no artist intruding upon my canvas - the vast sheet of white seemed to belong only to me and the nature that inhabited it. "I'm all done. Let's go!" my father took a final sip from his mug proudly inscribed with the words "World's Greatest Dad", hauled his haversack onto his back and opened the door. He gave me a slight nod and headed out. I followed, my mind intoxicated by excitement.
The forest was more beautiful than I had ever seen before. It wasn't lush green or flowering, but the starkness of pines, firs and spruces against a cloudy grey sky and paper-white ground captivated me. As we hiked through the forest, familiar landmarks seemed to take on a whole new disguise. This forest, one I have visited so many times before, was changing right before me. Religiously, I followed the footsteps of my father, and if I stopped to inspect the footsteps of prowling animals, I knew he was never far ahead as I followed the "cling-clang" of carabiners on his belt sliding against each other. With every step my boots sank deep into the snow, but I did not bother about the exhaustion of hoisting them out. I was so distracted by the beauty I saw in such emptiness, such a pure white hiding all sorts of colourful secrets.
We eventually saw a clearing in the enormous forest and decided to stop for a break. My cold lips were energised by soothing tea as it trickled down my throat and gave me warmth from within. My father began pointing out all the subtle reminders that we weren't alone in this silence. Animal tracks criss-crossed in front of us. "You can tell just by how the impression was made and the shape of the footprint just which animal left it behind. There's a deer... that's a wolverine, and that's probably some sort of rodent." We discussed the wonders of nature and laughed off all our worries in the middle of the clearing, spectators in this documentary brought to life.
Yet, it was the stillness of the air and tracks of fleeing animals that scared me. It resembled an intense prelude to danger that would spectacularly befall the lone family in the forest.
A low grumble hit my ears. Instinctively, I propped my chin up and turned an ear toward the origin of the sound. "What is it?" my father put his flask down and looked around. There it was again, this time more of a rumble, or maybe a distant call of a carnivore that stopped for a snack. The third time, my father straightened up. "Stay here. It could be dangerous. Don't worry about me, i'll be fine." He left before the slightest protest could leave my lips.
I took a sandwich from the haversack and waited for sunset. The changes in the sky were so gradual yet the results so intense and unprecedented. Yellow, red and pink streaked across the sky, over my increasingly worrying mind. I debated following my father, but if he really did meet danger, I knew that he would wish I hadn't. The sky was quickly darkening and yet all that was left of him were his footsteps. I waited for a silhouette to emerge, anything or anyone but this cold, lonely despair. A biting gust of wind that nearly toppled me over triggered an extremely loud rumble that ripped through the air. Desperately I called out, "Dad! Dad, where are you?" I wanted to trust that his wisdom had helped him evade danger, but I couldn't help what might have happened to him if he didn't. With resolution, I ambitiously left all our belongings behind and followed the footsteps, desperately hoping I would hear the "cling-clang" of his carabiners, or see his shadow materialise from behind the snowy dunes.
And I saw it. I saw the massive destruction that buried my father. I saw his limb emerging from under the snow, that pure, innocent white surrounding him - the pure, innocent murder of my father. Ten vertical metres separated me from my unconscious father. He was halfway between me and an enormous cliff face. I tried climbing up the snow, clawing at it, grabbing snow that just slipped out of my hand, all efforts in futility. The cold air that stung my face accentuated my sorrow. Cold tears dripped to make small, round impressions in the snow. And what animal would leave these tracks? An animal that feared loss and an animal that was enraged by regret.
Never again had I set foot in the forest. Bleak, empty white, the snow depressed me. The fire was no longer warm or comforting. It had shown me instead the mercilessness of nature, the uncontrollable desire of flames encroaching upon innocent firewood. As I opened the sliding door and strode onto the balcony, my cheeks flushed and lips dried. I stood in the snow for hours, trying to feel how my father did, trying to relive his last moments, trying desperately to understand that his pain had felt greater than mine.
24\30
FOC
Thursday, October 14, 2010 10:54 PM
Why do we yearn for something that does not come?
Why are do we belittle the joys we've wanted for so long?
Why are we unaware of the presence of an uplifting force, and unidentified entity that provides us security?
Yet we so solemnly mourn this loss when the time has come to pass?
Why do we wait in vain for what's just out of our reach?
Maybe it all isn't worth the emotional toll, even if we willingly put ourselves through this suffering.
I think we've developed a penchant for longing.
Humans Are Just Contradictory
Thursday, July 22, 2010 9:08 PM
Saturday, November 13, 2010 7:48 PM
Be a hundred percent when I'm with you and then
A perfect heart's length away
And I knew the odds were I'd never win
Yet here I am
There may well be others but I still like to pretend
You've got a schedule to stick to
Got a world to keep sweet
You're so much to everyone all the time
Will you ever slow down?
You know you'll never be lonely, no you'll always be loved
And maybe you never need more than that
But for the surplus that loves, what's to become of us?
Does it even register on your conscience?
Long for one last showdown from a box in a crowd
Air compressed tight to explode
I'm clenching my ticket to the only way out
As you disappear in a puff of smoke
Didn't get anywhere
7:21 PM
Now as the summer fades, I let you slip away
People find all sorts of things
That bring them to their knees
When there's all kinds of chaos
And everyone is walking lame
You don't even blink now, do you
Or even look away
Once I knew there was a love divine
Then came a time I thought it knew me not
I can't wait any longer
The Hamburg Song
Wednesday, November 3, 2010 10:54 AM
I don't wanna be adored
Don't wanna be first in line
Or make myself heard
I'd like to bring a little light
To shine a light on your life
To make you feel loved
No, don't wanna be the only one you know
I wanna be the place you call home
I lay myself down
To make it so, but you don't want to know
I give much more
Than I'd ever ask for
Will you see me in the end
Or is it just a waste of time
Trying to be your friend
To shine, shine, shine
Shine a little light
Shine a light on my life
And warm me up again
Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all
You know that it could be so simple
I lay myself down
To make it so, but you don't want to know
You take much more
Than I'd ever ask for
Say a word or two to brighten my day
Do you think that you could see your way
To lay yourself down
And make it so, but you don't want to know
You take much more
Than I'd ever ask for
By Design
Monday, November 1, 2010 4:31 PM
We dance around pleasantries
Skip the formalities
Share fleeting moments of chemistry
And you don't know it yet
But quietly I hope you see.
So far away in the day
But when you're near I fear.
Irreversible
Sunday, October 31, 2010 3:04 PM
It started out so warm, the fire crackling gently as it nested on the firewood, burning slowly. The fire wasn't fierce or mild. It was contained almost willingly by its fireplace, a familiar setting and a comfortable home. I slid the sliding doors wide open and took in the cold air. It made my nostrils tingle and excitement blossom, and I smiled at the blankets of white snow. The air was still. This was what I had been hoping for - no sign of wind or heavy snow, no artist intruding upon my canvas - the vast sheet of white seemed to belong only to me and the nature that inhabited it. "I'm all done. Let's go!" my father took a final sip from his mug proudly inscribed with the words "World's Greatest Dad", hauled his haversack onto his back and opened the door. He gave me a slight nod and headed out. I followed, my mind intoxicated by excitement.
The forest was more beautiful than I had ever seen before. It wasn't lush green or flowering, but the starkness of pines, firs and spruces against a cloudy grey sky and paper-white ground captivated me. As we hiked through the forest, familiar landmarks seemed to take on a whole new disguise. This forest, one I have visited so many times before, was changing right before me. Religiously, I followed the footsteps of my father, and if I stopped to inspect the footsteps of prowling animals, I knew he was never far ahead as I followed the "cling-clang" of carabiners on his belt sliding against each other. With every step my boots sank deep into the snow, but I did not bother about the exhaustion of hoisting them out. I was so distracted by the beauty I saw in such emptiness, such a pure white hiding all sorts of colourful secrets.
We eventually saw a clearing in the enormous forest and decided to stop for a break. My cold lips were energised by soothing tea as it trickled down my throat and gave me warmth from within. My father began pointing out all the subtle reminders that we weren't alone in this silence. Animal tracks criss-crossed in front of us. "You can tell just by how the impression was made and the shape of the footprint just which animal left it behind. There's a deer... that's a wolverine, and that's probably some sort of rodent." We discussed the wonders of nature and laughed off all our worries in the middle of the clearing, spectators in this documentary brought to life.
Yet, it was the stillness of the air and tracks of fleeing animals that scared me. It resembled an intense prelude to danger that would spectacularly befall the lone family in the forest.
A low grumble hit my ears. Instinctively, I propped my chin up and turned an ear toward the origin of the sound. "What is it?" my father put his flask down and looked around. There it was again, this time more of a rumble, or maybe a distant call of a carnivore that stopped for a snack. The third time, my father straightened up. "Stay here. It could be dangerous. Don't worry about me, i'll be fine." He left before the slightest protest could leave my lips.
I took a sandwich from the haversack and waited for sunset. The changes in the sky were so gradual yet the results so intense and unprecedented. Yellow, red and pink streaked across the sky, over my increasingly worrying mind. I debated following my father, but if he really did meet danger, I knew that he would wish I hadn't. The sky was quickly darkening and yet all that was left of him were his footsteps. I waited for a silhouette to emerge, anything or anyone but this cold, lonely despair. A biting gust of wind that nearly toppled me over triggered an extremely loud rumble that ripped through the air. Desperately I called out, "Dad! Dad, where are you?" I wanted to trust that his wisdom had helped him evade danger, but I couldn't help what might have happened to him if he didn't. With resolution, I ambitiously left all our belongings behind and followed the footsteps, desperately hoping I would hear the "cling-clang" of his carabiners, or see his shadow materialise from behind the snowy dunes.
And I saw it. I saw the massive destruction that buried my father. I saw his limb emerging from under the snow, that pure, innocent white surrounding him - the pure, innocent murder of my father. Ten vertical metres separated me from my unconscious father. He was halfway between me and an enormous cliff face. I tried climbing up the snow, clawing at it, grabbing snow that just slipped out of my hand, all efforts in futility. The cold air that stung my face accentuated my sorrow. Cold tears dripped to make small, round impressions in the snow. And what animal would leave these tracks? An animal that feared loss and an animal that was enraged by regret.
Never again had I set foot in the forest. Bleak, empty white, the snow depressed me. The fire was no longer warm or comforting. It had shown me instead the mercilessness of nature, the uncontrollable desire of flames encroaching upon innocent firewood. As I opened the sliding door and strode onto the balcony, my cheeks flushed and lips dried. I stood in the snow for hours, trying to feel how my father did, trying to relive his last moments, trying desperately to understand that his pain had felt greater than mine.
24\30
FOC
Thursday, October 14, 2010 10:54 PM
Why do we yearn for something that does not come?
Why are do we belittle the joys we've wanted for so long?
Why are we unaware of the presence of an uplifting force, and unidentified entity that provides us security?
Yet we so solemnly mourn this loss when the time has come to pass?
Why do we wait in vain for what's just out of our reach?
Maybe it all isn't worth the emotional toll, even if we willingly put ourselves through this suffering.
I think we've developed a penchant for longing.
Humans Are Just Contradictory
Thursday, July 22, 2010 9:08 PM
Here's an essay I wrote quite a while back. I work best under no pressure at all it seems.
“What if?” is a question asked too often. It isn’t just a question of caution, it’s a curb to creative productivity. What if it fails? What if we’ll never recoup our losses? What if Lady Gaga weren’t a psychopath? This stems out of people’s worry. Some are conservative by nature, to the extent of being plain paranoid. So the next time a “what if” pops up in your conversation, counter with “So what?” Humans shouldn’t have to constantly think about their actions, whether they’re right, whether they’re wrong, or whether there is right or wrong at all. These worries are all man-made; they worry because they are scared of the unknown, they don’t want to venture into unchartered territory. But does it matter that we don’t know what we’re facing? Isn’t adrenaline and excitement healthy, satisfaction and success delicious? Their priorities are different, because they would rather stagnate than fail trying.
What do holidays, spa treatments, massages and cold showers have in common? They’re all much sought-after by a part of the human mind that just beckons you to turn off when another is force-feeding you stress. Even when you’re caught up in towering sand dunes of work large enough to ride a sled down, we just want some means of escape, escapade and ecstasy. Because for a moment, we can forget all the worries, pushing them back into the space in your head just out of reach. Even if they come back later multiplied tenfold and we always want to kill ourselves in regret later, the carefree life is just what the modern world is lacking. Efficiency, effectiveness, words that bounce around whether you’re at school, work and play. Mankind has created a world where success is so rampant, but the most primitive human longing for an unpredictable and unlimited life has been totally disregarded. Has it been considered foolish to waste away your life enjoying yourself, while full-time over-achievers spend hours on end working their happiness away? It is foolish in itself to think that taking a break, enjoying your life, enjoying what’s left of nature in this urban jungle we’ve built is a complete waste of time.